During this time so many people have told me how strong I am.
That they couldn't imagine doing what I am doing.
I tend to ask myself, am I really strong or do I just put up with it?
Am I strong or am I just so insecure I put up with it?
Thoughts are a cruel thing.
They can throw you in so many directions and at times it is hard to decipher which ones are right and which ones are wrong.
Just because a thought comes into your mind doesn't mean it means anything.
Your senses send you into overload at times and the most minute thing can trigger you.
When my brain relaxes from whatever task I had previously at hand it tends to waver.
It goes in so many directions and depending on my mood it will pin point a feeling and run with it.
This can be so counter productive considering it is so easy to wallow in your own sorrow.
I wish my mind would be clear and concise.
Maybe I need to meditate and clear all the noise.
I tend to go with what gives me pain most of the time.
Am I addicted to the pain?
Each life choice that you make spirals you into a new direction, sometimes a new direction is the scariest part of life.
When I am with him, I am mostly happy.
When I am without him, I am mostly confused.
In the moment is the most important thing for me because that is real.
Your mind can play games with you and make you doubtful but in the moment is no lie.
Life was easier before this experience, and thats what is really its an experience.
I wouldn't call it a trauma I wouldn't call it an event.
It's an experience to decide how you will react.
Your reactions are a display of who you are.
Are you classy, are your rude, do you hate, can you love again?
No matter if I am happy, sad, melancholy, neutral, excited, my mind trails back to reassurance.
Isn't that what we look for in life, reassurance we are doing the right thing.
That we are on the right path.
That we are loved.
That we are liked.
Reassurance can be a bitch because at times it is hard to come by.
Why do we need it so much?
Maybe thats my insecurities talking again.
All in all, time will tell.
